I hate you name tag! This is about as janky as it gets.
Ugh. We have to wear name tags at work. I hate having some rando at work come up to me, look at my badge and start using my name like we’re BFF. It’s okay that you know my name but don’t pretend like we’re friends when I don’t know you. Especially when I don’t know your name. Unwelcome familiarity. Unfortunately, it is what it is.
Anywho, when you’re hired at my place of employment, they print up your ID card and hand you a lariat to clip it to and for you to wear around your neck. Some people like it others don’t. I like to clip my work keys on the lariat. I’m a forgetful person. I thought if I clip the keys to the ID, I’ll never forget them. Yeah, good in theory, not in practice. I’ve only forgotten my badge twice (yeah me!) but the clip broke within a few weeks and the hole on the ID card to string the lariat thru broke shortly afterwards. I then bought a cheap plastic ID badge holder to slip the ID through. That broke after a month. I was using packing tape to hold it together.
So, we’re at a recycle place here in town and it dawns on me…what about a luggage tag? It’s meant to take a beating, right? They had hard plastic luggage tags for a dime! I also had some pretty pieces of scrap wallpaper. I’m thinking, “what if I glue the wallpaper to the back of the luggage tag and string the lariat thru and voilà! indestructible name tag. If only life were so simple…
First off, in order to prep the plastic for the glue, I had to clean it off. Water got underneath the soft plastic window, where you can see the ID. It was adhered so tight to the hard plastic backing, I had to stick my size 00 knitting needles inside to dry out. The knitting needles promptly rusted, leaving dusty little lines inside that I can’t clean.
Secondly, the Mod Podge glue, despite the instruction saying the opposite, did not work on the hard plastic back.The wallpaper peeled off after drying overnight. Tried a different glue with similar results. Most people would have given up but I am an idiot. I then found some old address labels, struck them on the back of the plastic and then put the damn glue on top of the label and then stuck the damn wallpaper on the glue. Peeled off after a few days of drying, leaving behind bits of the back of the wallpaper. The labels are stuck for life.
Instead of giving up and buying a nice rubber badge from Office Depot like a sensible-minded person would, I then proceed to paint little branches with red blossom-like blobs on the back of the tag, while spilling paint on my favorite jeans. I shellacked the hell out painted picture with Mod Podge, which finally works for something.
Once it dries, I notice that if I put my ID in the front plastic, I cannot get it out. The tag is too long and my ID is too short. I proceed to use a razor to cut a hole out of the plastic so that I can easily remove my ID when needed. It is a raggedy jagged edged hole that will cut your fingers, but with caution I should be able to slide my ID out. Yeah it works!
But the lariat has a hard plastic ring on the end that doesn’t come apart. I can slip the ID in the luggage tag, but I can’t put the tag on the lariat ring. Finally, I find a key ring small enough to fit in the lariat ring and small enough that my ID can slide over it when I need to pop it out. Two months later, my coworkers finally notice my name tag. I died a little on the inside.